Monday, May 28, 2007

The Black Hole, Part 2

Not to beat a dead horse, but after my most recent trip to the Black Hole, I feel I MUST address this issue again. Seriously, there needs to be a twelve step program.

I'm thinking of starting a business where people can hire someone to accompany them to Target. Kind of like a personal shopper only they talk you OUT of buying things. I think it could be profitable.

Here are some things my personal shopper might say...

"Step away from the cutie patootie ice cream bowls." "Yes, I know they are only $1 and have polka dots, stripes, and girly colors, but you don't need the bowls OR the ice cream"

"No, you may not buy the 100% organic sheets, the ones on your bed are not THAT toxic."

"Eyes straight ahead, you came here for BREAD and MILK, the Market Fresh food is not that is just in really clever packaging."

"Absolutely, under no circumstance may you 'take a shortcut' through the baby girl clothes don't HAVE a baby girl and if you did it would only mean that you would spend even more money in this God forsaken place."

"Yes, the coffee does smell tantalizing, but it is Starbucks now or Retirement later!"

I could go on, but I thought it might be fun to hear what YOUR Target personal shopper might say to you...


Celeste said...

Some things my personal unshopper would say:

-"Put the hair dye down, seriously, quit dying your hair, you could have put a lot in savings instead of buying all this hair dye all the time"

-"Just because it is on a clearance end cap doesn't mean you need it!"

-"I know it looked cool on TV, but...."

-"Don't buy another bottle of water on your way out, your only going to take two sips anyway, use the water fountain!!"

Hmmm.. maybe I should print these out and take them with me when I go. I could count on ONE hand how many times I have NOT run into a fellow MOPS mom, we all have an addiction!

kittyhox said...

Oh my goodness, is that a good idea, or what? You're a genius.

Mine would say,

1. "You don't need ANY more office supplies. You literally have an extra dresser in the office with every office item you could ever dream of. Step away from those labels!"

2. "Do not even walk through near skin care aisle. You always come back to Cetaphil and Eucerin, so why buy yet another three piece set or $25 tube of eye cream?"

3. Ditto EXACTLY your special shopper's comments about the baby girl clothing. "You don't have a daughter yet, and you may never have one. Until you do, you are NOT allowed to buy clothing for this potential child. That is just silly." (I just cannot help myself sometimes.)

4. "Don't buy another giant storage container! You have enough! One more container and I'm signing you up for some kind of organizationally-obsessed-anonymous program."

5. "Skip the toy aisle. He has enough toys."

6. "Pretend you do not smell the aroma from Target's mini-Pizza Hut. Believe me, sister, you do not need a personal pan pizza right now or ever again! Save yourself five dollars, and go home and make a sandwich!"

As you can see, I just need to stay away from Target. I have no self control whatsoever, I'm afraid.

I actually have a frugal friend who serves this purpose for me. But she is no fun to shop with! It's like shopping with a wet blanket! Nothing is cute enough or inexpensive enough for her to approve of. I am the exact opposite type of person. I will encourage you to buy everything you show even the slightest interest in. I am not to be trusted.

What a fun topic! :)

shelley said...

i looooooove the cutie patootie ice cream bowls, and the adorable packaging on the market fresh stuff, and the baby girl clothes are absolutely addictive! and don't get me started on starbucks! my personal shopper might say:
-you do not need ANYTHING from the $1 spot, yes i know everything is only $1, but when you're done walking through there you've somehow spent $20!

-do NOT go down the furniture isles, you know you can't buy anything right now, so why torture yourself.

-no, don't wander into the outdoor furniture area. yes, i know it's all so cute, and yes i know you could make your deck "an extension of your house" and have an "outdoor living room" with all the cute chairs and cushions and benches and "outdoor art". but the cushions will get rained on and everything will end up dirty and then YOU'LL have to clean it!

-STOP wandering through the "tiny baby" isles! Your baby is huge now, he does not need booties, or caps, or crocheted sweaters. And SERIOUSLY, stop buying him blankies, it's SUMMER!

Janelle said...

I live with my own personal shopper nazi. Really takes the joy out of shopping when you have to explain why you would spend 2.99 on a swimsuit coverup. Joy of bargains...gone!