Saturday, August 18, 2007

It's the End of the World as We Know It...

You should see the pile of tissues on the couch.

I know it is not the end of the world that my little boy is going to kindergarten. But it kinda feels like it. Let's just say I've been a tad bit emotional about it the last few days. The other day I was driving the boys to play at Open Gym and I looked up at the rear view mirror. Richie looked up at the same time, caught my eye and gave me one of his goofy (I love you, Mom) grins.

Bullet to the heart.

All I could think about was the fact that next week when I'm driving in the car on Friday at 10am, that little grin won't be there.

Oh yeah, I'm sobbing now.

And then today, I was walking by his room and he was playing with super heroes on his bed. I love that sight. And...well you can imagine where my mind went with that. Logically, I know he'll still play with super heroes after school and on weekends, but it just won't be the same. My heart is aching a bit.

I didn't anticipate this feeling, really. I mean I knew it was going to be a change, an adjustment. I knew that dropping him off that first day would be hard. But I didn't anticipate these little montages playing in my head about the last time for this and the last time for that. The realization that our "all day" time together is up.

Did I put down the laundry enough and listen to his stories? Did I forget about the dirty dishes enough to answer his questions? Did I give him enough hugs and kisses? Did I put my own desires aside enough to play Star Wars or super heroes, or Candy Land? These are the questions I'm pondering. The thoughts I'm reflecting upon.

People keep asking if I'm ready. "Are you ready for summer to be over?", "Are you ready for school to start?", "Are you ready for Richie to go to kindergarten?"

Is a Mommy ever ready for that?

Is that possible?


Debra said...

The initial moments are hard but once the shock is is great stuff.

shelley said...

I'm right here with you. If anyone thought she was ready to send her child to kindergarten, it was me! I'm having those thoughts and feelings too, the "have I done enough?" questions. I think it'll be bittersweet, I think they're ready, and they'll have a blast, but it's like then end an era. I conslole myself with knowing that there will be lots of "no school" days, snow days, breaks, weekends, and then, summer. And that we get them back at a pretty early hour. When I think about that, I can breathe better, and some of that knot in my chest loosens, just a bit.

Carissa said...

sweet post alana! great writing from a great mommy!!!

JP's MOM said...

And now you know why I was the first mom back to pick her child up last year! I was 1 hour early that 1st day and 45 minutes early for several months after that!

Also expect me there early this year...for at least the first day!
I just love seeing his face as he walks out that door on his first day.

michelle said...

I feel for you! This is a tender time. No matter how many years of school pass he will always be your little boy and he will always love his mommy.

Janelle said... just nailed it with this one. Every mommies heart walking in to school ready to face a new season.

I didn't cry the first day. But I did the second. The sight of watching him walk into the building with his huge backpack hanging off his shoulders. I wondered if he would be loved on inside those doors. He was. So will Richie.

Change is hard. It is hard to say goodbye to stage they are leaving. But I have found the new stage is even better.

The good news is...we will all be there for hugs and support.

I love you, friend. You are an awesome mommy. Perfect for Richie and Will.

Melissa @ Breath of Life said...

Oh, friend! I remember those days. It may take a while, but before you know it, you'll be in a routine. And you'll learn to cherish those afternoons & weekends.

Praying he has a smooth day (and that mom does, too!)

life with the wisners said...

seriously...i don't even really know you, but i can totally picture you standing outside his room while he's playing.

and thank you. i'm crying. granted, i'm an emotional mess right now.

but still.

again, don't *really* know you, but am praying for you tonight.

Celeste said...

I'm still in the countdown phase! :) Even though I say that I can't wait, I know the day it happens I am going to be sobbing me eyes out.

The Small Scribbler said...

Seeing Richie's sweet face in the photo, I think I'll cry with you. And then I'll pray for the both of you.


Rochelle said...

Oh, I so wasn't ready to send Keilani to kindergarten, and I homeschooled her!! LOL!! Last January, I put Keilani in the church school, and it tore my heart out to let her go. I blogged about it for WEEKS! I cried and sobbed, and still miss my time with her. I think it is a process for some. It was for me. But it become easier when we watch them grow and make friends and become thier own little people. And it makes the time we have with them all the more precious.

Teresa said...

I'm praying for you and for Richie! Put on some Anne and wallow in the depths of despair with her for a while, before you know it, it will be time to pick him up!! :) Love you!

Anonymous said...

Awww Alana! I can only imagine how you feel! I never want to send my boy's to school! I'm sure you are a great mommmy! I don't think we will ever be ready to let go!

Stacey said...

It's so hard to take them to school for the first time. I cried so hard that first day... oh heck it was the first whole month! Who am I kidding? Just take it slow and know that there are other Mamas out there going through the same thing! He's going to be fine and you are, too.

BTW, I found you from a comment on Life with Little Women :-)

millermoments said...

SO??? How was it? Can't wait to see the pics and hear all about it!

Believe me, it gets easier the second time around. This year - Shira barely looked back - and Tobin??? Well, he wouldn't even let me walk him in the doors on the first day. Now, had he been my first, I surely would have been a wreck - letting him walk that LONG hallway to his classroom all by himself. But Shira trained me well - and we had a party on the first day of school! No tears - just plain ol' fun! :)

Teri said...

I will be sending my little girl off to school this year...she is the youngest so it might be just as hard for me too. I'll keep you posted!
As far as the Body Exhibit...I did not eat before I went and I think it was ok. I usually don't get sqeamish about stuff like this, but for some reason it did disturb me a little. Although my first response was "We are fearfully and wonderfully made."
My advise to you as far as eating goes, if you would normally not be bothered by say, watching a surgery on discovery channel, then go ahead and eat...if you do, you might want to wait. The good thing is, there is absolutely NO smell. (Thank God!)
HAve fun!

Sparky said...

Sending off that first child is never easy. I remember thinking, "Was I really that small when my mom sent me off to Kindergarten? Surely not!" However, it gets easier and easier and before you know becomes routine. What I love about you is that you take time to stop and cherish the moments along the way. You're a great mom!