Thursday, May 29, 2008

Expounding

I'm not sure if the words will flow any more freely today, but I feel the need to expound upon the thoughts in my last post.

You see it all started with a little trip down memory lane prompted by this whole Facebook thing. I have been connecting a lot with old friends, mainly from college (Go Buffs!). So in my reminiscing I thought it would be fun to pull out our old yearbooks and refresh my memory on days long past.

I may have misrepresented my thoughts last evening. I guess that is the danger in posting something when words are not flowing freely. I was not unhappy at that time of my life, some of my best memories are from my college days. Rich and I had plenty of chuckles over the photographs. Wish I had a scanner, I'd post some of them for you! After all, I met Rich, and fell in love, and was blessed with some of the best friends a girl could ever hope for (you know who you are!). And we are still friends to this day.

However, amidst the reminiscing and the silly pictures, there was one that really caught my eye. It grabbed me. And it got me thinking about the girl I was then. A young girl. An inexperienced girl. A girl who was unsure of her possibilities and potential. And I had this longing to sit down with her and share all that I know now. A desire to impart a little of the wisdom I have gained since then. Of course, as some of you indicated in your comments, that wisdom cannot be told, it can only be lived. And I get that. I really do. But I still kind of wished that for her.

I suppose there is a part of me who would like to go back to those carefree, younger days (and Jamie, don't think that losing 30 lbs in a matter of seconds doesn't play a part in that wish ;-), but I like who I am now. I like who I have become. I'm more comfortable in my own skin, even if it isn't quite as luminescent as it once was.

And I have a feeling that in another ten years I'll look back on the posts and pictures in this blog and wonder again who the girl was who wrote them and long to sit down and impart the wisdom to her from another decade of living. And even though I will know even more so that such wisdom cannot be told, only lived. I think I'll still wish that for her.

23 comments:

Sarah Markley said...

This is such an interesting post.

My grandmother is 91 yrs old, and she's in the hospital after 90 years of being very active and independent. And after reading your post I think that she would probably be unrecognizable to her 25 year old self. Not just physically, but what we do with our personalities, our accomplishments and tragedies - how all of it shapes us.

Interesting. You make me think, Alana! =)

Celeste said...

Awesome post! I am going to have a hard time not giving all of my advice and living through my children. I can think of 100 things my mom informed me about that I blew off. She always gave me the freedom to find out for myself. It's going to be hard to let my children do that as well.

Becoming Me said...

Amazing post and I can so relate to it. I think of who I was 10 years ago and a whole different person indeed.

Melissa @ Breath of Life said...

I know what you mean. It's good to take stock, though...and to be constantly growing & changing. Those are good things. And the way your life has changed in the past 10 years, with Rich & the boys...those are GREAT things.

I think it would be sadder if, 10 years from now, you felt exactly the same as you do today.

Thanks for sharing!

Xandra said...

Well put...

Xandra

Janelle said...

You may not be able to sit down with your 23 year old self and share with her, but you can make a difference in the young women in your small group. I know they are looking to you for wisdom. I can't think of anything more exciting than that!

JP's MOM said...

So fitting to have read this post after the intense soccer game we just sat through.

Although telling people of the wisdom we have learned over the past 10 years doesn't always sink in, our actions will.

Tonight we showed our boys how parents should behave and react to youth sports.

Denise said...

last night my 6yr old josie was all dressed up in her tutu,ballet slippers,with a home made crown. i grabbed her, hugged her then
said to my husband, "i wish big josie could see and love the josie she is now."

i want back the 24 yr old girl, i want her innocence. sometimes i miss her.
i would want to give her,wisdom, freedom, hope... i'd tell her to dance,sing, where a tutu, and crown, and live!

beautiful words!

Denise said...

here are some of my favorite words from Donald Miller's "Through Painted Deserts"

Everybody has to change or they expire. Everybody has to leave, leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons. I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago. Only a good story has a character different at the end than it was in the beginning.

Fran said...

Hmmmm...do you work with high school or college girls at church??
Maybe you could. :)

Regardless....I know exactly what you are saying. Its a weird time for anyone to look back on. Thank you Jesus for growth.

Love,
Fran

BethAnne said...

I so get what you are saying.....I sooooo get it!

life with the wisners said...

well, my goodness. where have i been?

my sweet alana. i'm trying to decide what to write.

other than what my grandmother used to say every day.

"enjoy today."

i remember back when i was in college. i had some good friends. some decent roommates. a "good" boyfriend.

but now? i have friendships that i can't describe. i have a husband that is half of me. i have two children that when i even think about them, i tear up.

alana, your life right now is a beautiful picture of what God wants for you. right now.

is this clear as mud? is it even relevant to your post? i hope so.

Shelley said...

Oh Alana, I so totally understand this, all of this.

Somehow I missed yesterdays post. Not sure how that happened...

I have felt so out of sync with my own thougts lately too. I don't know how many posts I've started, only to never be able to finish my thougths.

I know your not a country music fan, but there's a song by Brad Paisley that is really good, that has always made me think like this. It's called "Letter to Me". Every time I hear it, I think about the younger me...the me at 17, at 20, at 23. It's not that I had a terrible time, it's just that I wish I would've known some things. I tend to impart "wisdom" on my poor cousins every chance I get, I just want them to know more than I did I guess.

These two posts were great. Really. Your thoughts are flowing just fine to me!

Jennifer said...

Great post...as a sequel from your last one.

If we only knew what we know now, then. If we could only know now what we will learn in the future.
It would be nice I guess....but, our strength comes from our trials and tribulations....if we knew what to do before it happened, we would never mess up. So we would never learn from our mistakes.

Everything happens for a reason.

Rich said...

Alana,

You are sexier, cooler, more confident, and amazing than you were in college.

[And you are even a better writer]


I chuckled at the skinny [but extremely attractive] soccer player I once was in college. [What an amazing surfer hair cut I had back then. I sorta want it back.] I too look back and think what would have been useful to know then, but I wouldn't change my journey with you for anything. We have grown together. We have expanded and multiplied our love and brought others into it. We have built a home and a life. We have hugged, cursed, traveled, fretted, rejoiced and clung. We have persevered. We have progressed and we have grown…

together.

I fell in love with the girl you were then.

I fall in love daily with the amazing woman you are now.



…did I mention sexier?

Teri said...

Awww...I just totally got side tracked by Rich's comment!!!!

Alana,

You are precious! Thank you for sharing your heart! I totally Get what you are saying. Thanks for saying it!

Hope your weekend is wonderful! Grab some DDC (Dove Dark Chocolate) and take a little moment to celebrate who you are today!

Carissa said...

okay...cut it out rich, i have tears in my eyes reading your comment!

and alana...what a great post. really, i am so with you. and that whole thought process really makes me want to love myself TODAY. cause in 10 years i will wish i had done that better.

love you friend!

Colored With Memories said...

You're making perfect sense to me. I'm a new reader though...so maybe that explains it!?! Hee, hee.

BethAnne said...

The Flops Are Here!!!!The Flops Are Here!!!!

Mary@notbefore7 said...

OH girl...I have felt so similarly many times. Wishing I could give myself "back then" some wisdom and encouragement.

But some wisdom only comes through living it. I guess we'll realize it again in 10 years...

Jamie said...

I love Rich's comment!
By the way I got my flip-flops, yay!!

Pam said...

Alana, you are so gifted. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly; it is truly a beautiful thing.

I love Rich's comment...so sweet!

Tiffani Long said...

Hi Alana,
I do not know you...I came across your blog through Jen (Gathering Grace), one of my blogging friends...and I believe there aren't any accidents..so I can't really even say how I got to THIS post other than divine intervention :) I have struggled deeply this week with some musings in my mind about who I am...who I used to be and struggling to give that "girl" what I have/know now...so this post has encouraged me...helped me feel like I'm not alone in my thoughts...I look forward to reading more of your blog and thank you for your willingness to share.

Tiffani