I will say I am not one for resolutions. I always have an idea of things I would like to do differently, but I very rarely actually make a resolution. I don't deal well with the self-condemnation that comes when I inevitably mess it up.
I have decided that instead of focusing on what I might do differently in the upcoming year (which tends to remind me of all of my shortcomings) that I will reflect on what I think (insert air quotes around this next word) "I" actually did RIGHT in 2010.
I have had some victories in 2010, none of which, ironically, have much to do with anything (here come those air quotes again) "I" have done to change. You see, I am learning that change comes most effectively when you RELINQUISH control and say. Yeah. There is absolutely, without a doubt, nothing I can do about this. And strangely, while this seems like potentially the worst place to be, it really is the BEST place to be.
HELP.
God? (you know, the one who actually has the ability to control things)
Please, help. God.
Please.
Will you HELP?
And you know what? He will. He REALLY will.
I KNOW this to be true. I've experienced this in both tangible and intangible ways. He has blown me away with how He helps when I let Him. But you know what? I STILL don't trust Him with everything. I have experienced true peace in circumstances that should not AT ALL feel peaceful, yet still so many times, I don't choose that peace. I choose worry, and fretting, and obsessing. Ick. Why? I don't know, but it's true. However, I do find the more times I choose His peace and genuinely relinquish control, the more I actually at least consider trusting Him with a situation instead of worrying, fretting, obsessing. I know. How good of me actually consider trusting the Creator of the whole stinking universe with my little (to Him) problems. It's absurd when you think about it, but nonetheless, TRUE.
So, maybe I will make a resolution this year. Maybe I will resolve to do less, and allow HIM to DO MORE. Somehow I think that will affect more change than any resolution (insert air quotes) "I" could possibly make.
Friday, December 31, 2010
I Resolve To Do Less. No, Really.
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4 comments:
I am with you. I will resolve to do the same.
Are those boundries that you are establishing??
Well done.
Like.
:-)
Hi Alana,
I love this post. I even mentioned it in church last Sunday right before church started (I help lead worship). It was such a great New Year's resolution. Very inspiring and SO true. I've been reading *Shepherding a Child's Heart," and it talks a lot about how we need to realize and teach our kids to realize this fact: We can do NOTHING good apart from Christ's power working within us. So we've been praying to this end with our kids. It's really been eye-opening, as was your post.
I also want to get back into blogging, like you, on my writing blog (www.saracarmichael.blogspot.com), but I can't seem to make it happen. Not inspired...yet, I guess, and little too busy at times. When I finally have an hour of quiet time, I want to do nothing but VEG. With three little ones six and under, I have an excuse (or so I proclaim)! ;) I stay up on pretty much everyone else's blog, including my family blog, where I mostly post pix (www.carmichaelcorner.blogspot.com). I just can't seem to get back into writing. Some day...
Good to see you back in business again.
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